*** New: Goeffel of the Month***

You know how you get those beauty contests online and magazines? The ones where home-grown honeys or hot chics are suppose to send pictures of themselves IF THEY QUALIFY? Well you always get those selected few whose parents always told them they were beautiful, but the rest of the world does not think so. Now you be the judge!

The Pro-ravings team present to you - GOEFFEL OF THE MONTH FOR MARCH 2009

(Click on to enlarge the image)

And to test the definitions which were outlined for a goeffel in our last post. Please tell us how you feel when you see the following picture? Remember if you get that sick feeling, then she is a SUPER GOEFFEL!!!


How do you feel? Nauseous? Wish you had never checked the blog? Welcome friends to the concept of goeffel and super goeffel. Thanks to our GOEFFEL OF THE MONTH!

--> In the words of Nelson from the Simpson's - Ha Ha! <--

Goeffel

Hey everyone,

We would like to introduce you to another concept. First we brought you the concept of a gold raving, and this time we introduce "Goeffel" (pronounce: goe as the go in golf, and ffel as the word fill or the name Phil).

This word very simply put is the definition for a chic or a guy that is beyond ugly. Some synonyms for this word are:

• Super ugly
• Gravel donkey
• Swamp thing
• Gruck

Goeffel is the word of choice to describe the any chic or guy that would qualify for the bullets above. It is the ugly of the ugly, it does not get any worse than this.

Sometimes you can find one redeeming quality in a person, like maybe she has nice legs, or a nice face etc. You would not use the term goeffel for that person. You could use anyone of the synonyms above, we would prefer if you saved the word goeffel for those instances for when there is nothing left that would be of any interest to anyone.

Having said that though, there is one level worse that goeffel, and than is simply super goeffel. You use this term for when you see someone you immediately feel ill, want to vomit or your family jewels run and hide (guys you know that feeling). I have to admit in my years I have seen many a goeffel, but only 1 or 2 super goeffels. These are when nothing on earth could help and even a beggar would feel sick at the sight of that person.

Right pro ravers, go out enjoy and use the new words freely.

Regards
The pro raving team

The Retaliation Raving

2009 is going to be the best year yet! We finally have our first revenge ravings! Before we start let me remind you that one of our rules here is no names. We try our best, but sometimes the rules can be bended slightly.

Our raving starts like this: Sometime ago we were submitted a raving on a person. While we would love to tell you what the raving is about it would divulge the identity of the raver.

*SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER* - DAVID AMBLER

CHOOSING THE RIGHT AMOUNT...

In my opinion there two main ingredients that go into a really good raving – timing and detail. That is, a raving executed at the wrong time will just fall flat and not be funny, likely setting you up to be raved upon. Similarly, choosing the right amount of detail in your wording is equally important.

Some people choose to always go the whole nine yards, spill all the beans and leave the victim completely exposed and wrecked. While this is the goal of some, I prefer to go a different route. I always try to rave in such a way that the person can redeem themselves at that time or another in the future. The person should be able to learn from what they have done that was so stupid. This could be done by telling them gently in private (which may have its place) or by making them feel the idiocy of their actions semi-publicly. Either way, they should get the message that what was done/said is not and should not be done by intelligent people. Indiscriminately ripping into individuals who simply can not help their capacity is border line cruelty and should only be allowed under very special circumstances (if at all).

Despite having said this, it is not uncommon for such individuals to not quite grasp the implications of a softer raving, requiring the raver to turn up the heat a bit. If you find yourself in such a position, turn up the heat gradually until they get the point. A case in point was a certain individual in our office who made the same type of jokes every day. For anonymity’s sake, I won’t mention what the jokes were. This particular guy, let’s call him Jason, was consistently tacitly raved upon, yet he took it as encouragement to continue. It took a very tactful raving by a resident professional (not myself), letting him have it in front of the entire office at a luncheon to shut him up. He has not given those daily jokes since.

So, next time you are going to give a good raving, analyse each case carefully and see if you can’t nip it in the bud for the person with a gentle, yet stern, raving first. If their cerebral cortex resists such gentle nudges to change their behaviour, then begin increasing the dosage.

Regards - David Ambler

Welcome to 2009

Hey guys we are so excited to be back!

Lets hope you all have some excellent ravings with which to share with the pro ravings team. Let's make 2009 the best year yet. Keep reading, keep sending us your blogs and let's keep RAVING!

Be sure to check out our poll for your new years resolution poll.

Festive Greetings from the Pro Ravings Team

Hey everyone,

2008 was a great year for us. The blog was started in August and since then we have had over 800 hits! A big thank you to all our readers.

Our last poll which wanted to know who of you thought the best raver was, ended in a tie. Both Jim Halpert (The Office US version) and Ari Gold (Entourage) both ended up with the same scores. I must say I thought that Ari would have won by a mile, but clearly some of that geeky charm of Jim has rubbed off on some of you.

Its the festive season now and we wanted to wish all of you a merry xmas and a happy new year. We would also just like to remind you that New years is the perfect time to find a raving.

2009 is around the corner, and there will be some big changes on the horizon for pro ravings. Keep reading, keep sending in your ravings and lets get more people in 2009 into the pro raving mindframe!

Adverse advertising

Firstly we all know that some adverts are targeted at specific audiences. Secondly we also know that sometimes a simple English translation sometimes skews the original meaning totally. Some of the funny ones I've heard of are Fu King Chinese Restaurant, Coolpis Juice or the The Good Testes Wine and Dine. I'm sure you can think of many others. I just have to wonder whether the marketing departments of these products or places take into account other possible translations, not only language, of their advertisements.

Our raving starts like this:

Johannesburg is a very diverse and liberal city. So one shouldnt be surprised when one sees transvestites or people of the same sex holding hands. I was walking through a Pick 'n Pay and waiting for Gesh while he was in a queue. I decided to lean on a counter to wait. On the counter there was a fridge with energy drinks. I didn't take notice of the picture on the fridge at first after about 10 minutes I looked at again and was a bit disturbed by what I saw:


Now one has really got to wonder what went through the minds of the marketing team that did this. Are they targeting a niche market ? Did they really intend for a purple man with their products to be standing behind a yellow leper in such an awkward position ? I can honestly say its adverts like these that make me NOT wanna buy the sellers products ! What do guys think ? Am I being too harsh ? Or am I reading into a totally innocent advert and making something out of nothing ? All I 'm saying is that I wanted to stick an R18 sticker on that fridge before I walked out of that store.

-->In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha<--