When there’s something strange in your neighbourhood…

Big thanks to SOLDIERBOI for this raving! First the impaled imbecile and now this, keep up the ravings! – Gesh

The year 2004… I had just finished varsity the previous year, which meant this was the first year for my friends and I in the “real world”. Let me introduce my friends Mr. Bengal and Mr. “Half this, half that”. Mr. Bengal is a small thin, and chilled out dude. Mr. “Half this, half that” is an emo (google that definition if you like) and a self proclaimed player.

We arrived in on Friday morning, where we met up with Mr.”Half this, half that”. He chauffeured us to his flat, where we were staying. Upon arrival, we met his first flat mate – Mrs. D. a super girl, who later that evening taught us a really hilarious song about Diarrhoea (please don’t ask). So there we were, Mr. Bengal, Mr., “Half this, half that” and I, chilling on this Friday afternoon in Jozi:

Our raving starts like this:

Mr.” Half this, half that” stayed with Mrs. D, her brother and his fiancé, whom we had not met yet and that particular night Mrs. D, has brought her friend home from the club as well, so we had a packed house approximately seven people! Mr. Bengal and I were going to shack in the lounge on an inflatable bed for the evening, which we did, and did peacefully until around 5:30 am …

When out of nowhere, Mr. Bengal, unleashed an unearthly scream…. something along the lines of those T-Rex roaring sounds you hear in movies … something reminiscent of The Exorcist. Can you just imagine, hearing this horrific scream in the middle of the night, when the rest of the house is dead quiet. It sounded like someone was being attacked, by their worst nightmare!

Anyway Mrs. D's brother tried to be the hero, after hearing the screams from hell he leapt out of bed, only to slip and fall and fracture his coccyx! Now you have to feel for the guy, but honestly can you just picture someone running down the hall and slipping on a banana peel? Because that’s really what it looked like. He immediately got up as if to pretend like nothing happened and that he was ok. What followed next is something you only see in comedy movies. Honest to god, he then ran straight into the bedroom door and back down again! I was trying to contain myself, so I put my face in the pillow and just began to laugh as hard as I could, while trying to remain as quiet as I could.

By now Mrs. D and friend, who were terrified firstly from the ghastly sounds of underworld and the secondly from acrobatic acts of her brother, had woken up.

Mr. ”Half this, half that”, eventually woke up and ran to the lounge to find Mr. Bengal and I peacefully asleep, completely unaware of the past five minutes commotion. Mrs. D's brother abruptly woke Mr. Bengal and asked he was ok. Mr. Bengal woke up in a haze and wondered why there were five people staring over him. He sincerely claimed he didn’t know a thing about what they were talking about! I mean honestly people, how can you let out such a loud scream and not know anything about it? Please if this has happened to you or someone you know, write to proravings@gmail.com and tell them about it.

The whole time I was asleep next to Mr. Bengal, and just killing myself at the commotion his screams had created.

To conclude, Mrs.' D's friend immediately left, as she was convinced that there was some satanic stuff going on. Mr. “Half this, half that” tells me she has never slept over ever again. Mrs. D's brother made a full recovery, although he says he cannot forget that frightening, spine tingling howl! And finally Mr. Bengal, to this day, claims he does not remember what possessed him to shriek the way he did. And thinks that we made the whole story up.

-->In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha<--

PS – We at proravings would like to hear the Diarrhoea song please!

Food for thought - (If you are a rabbit)

When you live in the city, it’s not often that you are graced with the presence of animals running wild. In most cases you see the odd squirrel, or lizard. At our offices the one day I saw a rabbit. Naturally I thought perhaps it escaped from captivity, but otherwise I thought nothing else of it.

Our raving starts like this:

To my surprise most people in the office had seen the rabbit, as it had been a regular visitor on our grounds for the past week. Anyway one day BananaNippleLover came to the office with a carrot. Curious as to why she brought it, I asked her what’s with the carrot. She indicated that it was to feed the rabbit. Everyone in the office burst out laughing. But that’s not the end of our raving, it gets worse.

Later on that day another office colleague who does not sit in the general office, saw her walking with the carrot again. Once again he asked what was the carrot for?
BananaNippleLover: It’s for the rabbit
Co-worker: You know it is a common misconception that rabbits like carrots, they prefer leafy vegetables!

Her next response is the whole reason we started this blog. Its to point out and make fun of those imbeciles who have no idea about the real world and are just completely oblivious in their small worlds.

Co-worker: You know it is a common misconception that rabbits like carrots, they prefer leafy vegetables!
BananaNippleLover: But Bugs Bunny eats carrots!

Oh my god! How silly can you possibly be? Since when did anything in cartoons relate to reality? So does she believe that a coyote always chases a road runner ? Or that the Tasmanian devil spins around in a vicious cyclone manner whenever it moves around?

Do you think that if they had made bugs bunny eat bananas, that she would believe that’s what rabbits like to eat?

Anyway the whole office again crashed themselves laughing, she brought a carrot because bugs bunny eats carrots!

--> In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha <--

Impaled imbecile

We're not sure that you all have seen or heard of this story, but we feel this imbecile deserves a space on this blog. These pics courtesy of Soldierboi, thanks alot.

Please be advised that the following material may be disturbing to some viewers, the pictures are of a graphic nature and you have been warned.

Our raving starts like this:

This dude tried to break into the East London Museum. We honestly would like to know what the hell he was trying to steal from a museum in the first place? Maybe he was a good samaritan trying to return the coelacanth back to the ocean or he was hungry and thought the worlds only dodo egg, would do? Anyways when the alarm tripped he used his ninja skills to scale a tree and to leap over a fence...

What was really funny was the fact that the tow truck driver who arrived on the scene called the POLICE and not the AMBULANCE first!

--> In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons - Ha Ha <--

(Professional ravings, blogspot and other affliates associated with this blog are not responsible for any emotional trauma you may have felt while viewing the pictures)
Read the Daily Dispatch article here:

http://blogs.dispatch.co.za/dispatchnow/2008/09/04/thief-impaled-on-museum-fence-pics/

The Principles of Physics

In order to fully appreciate the stupidity of this raving you need to first understand some basic terms associated with Physics.

Friction is the force resisting the relative motion of two surfaces in contact or a surface in contact with a fluid (e.g. air on an aircraft or water in a pipe). It is not a fundamental force, as it is derived from electromagnetic forces between atoms and electrons, must be found empirically. When contacting surfaces move relative to each other, the friction between the two objects converts kinetic energy into thermal energy, or heat. Friction should not be confused with traction. Surface area does not affect friction significantly, but in traction it is essential. Traction refers to the friction between a drive member and the surface it moves upon, where the friction is used to provide motion. – (Definition provided by Wikipedia)

Mass is defined as the amount of matter an object has. The weight of an object on earth depends on the force of attraction (gravity) between the object and earth. For example your mass remains the same on earth as it would be on the moon; however your weight would be different. – (Definition provided by Wikipedia)

Having been a student of the biological sciences for many, I was aptly aware of these principles. But one Friday afternoon, I had been given a completely different interpretation of them, which made me suspicious of the education system altogether.

Our raving starts like this:

I, along with many of my high school colleagues, had attended university in a different city than where our high school was located. Naturally there were those that required lifts from the university to home on weekends. Since I had a car, I was always willing to give a lift to those in need. One Friday afternoon I was asked by Ikasas if I could give her a lift home, and of course I obliged.

Since we had left later than usual we were stuck in rush hour traffic. The traffic was slow and steady until we got to the bridge over the river. As soon as we were on the bridge, traffic came to a stand still as the cars were bumper to bumper. It was then that Ikasas began to panic, and I mean panic. She started getting jittery in her seat, saying “oh my God, oh my God”.

I asked what the matter was, to which she replied “the bridge is going to collapse.” Now I got worried… did she know something that I didn’t??? So in a more elevated state of concern, I asked again what the matter was.

To my absolute amazement this was the answer I got: “The cars on the bridge are coming to a stop. The weight is going to make the bridge collapse!!” It was at that point that I almost burst out laughing, but I just had to ask “How do you figure that?!”

And just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Ikasas replied: “Because the friction of the cars on the bridge holds the bridge up!!” She even made the hand motions of riding over her hand and the bridge lifting.

I killed myself laughing; I mean how is that possible?? Firstly, since when does your weight increase when you stop moving? Secondly, the force friction does not hold up a bridge, that concept in itself is ludicrous. What possible logic does that follow?

Anyway after I managed to get myself together I managed to explain everything to her. To this day, I still think that she is scared of bridges.

--> In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha <--