Why not to play soccer with short people

Soccer is probably the most popular sport in the world. But according to our experience it isn't always the safest; especially when vicious and malicious tackles are made. If you've seen these on TV then you will know that some players deserve an Academy Award for their displays of pain.

Our raving begins like this:

It was a normal sunny day. This usually called for a sporting event in someone's backyard. We played anything from cricket, soccer, basketball and even American football. One of these days, a vertically challenged guy, let's call him Midge, from down the road, invited himself to one of the soccer games. Just think of a kangaroo, this dude is just like one. He always wore this one pair of funny moccasins.

Then there's Hasmook. Another vertically challenged friend, who was born with a mustache (but that’s another raving for another time). The game started and the guys were sweating after like five minutes. While some of us took a rest, Midge and Hasmook confronted each other in a dribble, and in a split second Hasmook fell to the ground …. and as usual the game carried on.

Hasmook started screaming! Cries of "Get up you moron" were shouted. It was only till Hasmook started crying that the guys actually stopped to see what the matter was. He was murmuring something about his right leg. To everyone’s surprise, we found out that Midge had kicked Hasmook’s kneecap off!!

When the other guys came back they saw Hasmook on the floor and asked if he was okay, while he was in tears and screaming. After a while, Hasmook’s parents arrived and straight away his mother asked: "Hasmook! What happened??" Now being one of the guys, you'd think that he would handle it like a man, without hesitation he says: "Midge kicked me!"

The neighbour from next door was called who happened to be a doctor. He came and tried to physically push the kneecap back into place. Hasmook screamed like a girl once again. Once he was loaded into the car, the doctor did not notice his shoe still sticking out. The guys held back their laughter as the doctor started banged the door against his foot, as he tried to close the door!!

Eventually we found out that Hasmook was dribbling the ball, Midge came in to make a challenge and somehow managed to kick his kneecap. Now how short do you have to be to have a simple dribbling challenge turn into a medical emergency? I mean even if Hasmook was wearing shin guards, they still would not have helped. Moral of the story? Don't play soccer with midgets, because you might just kick their kneecaps out!!

Furthermore, how did the doctor slam the door on his foot afterwards? That’s like two ravings for the price of one!

--> In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha <--

Undecided Poll Results

Hey everyone,

Our last poll asked you if you would like to know the real names of the imbeciles that we rave on in this blog. Believe it or not, from the total votes that were cast, an undecided result was obtained. All four voting choices each received the same amount of votes.

As a result we have posted the new poll, which is a little more specific. Let's hope we get a result this time.

VOTE NOW!!

Bingi the dancing fool

Before we start I would just like to thank the person for emailing us this raving. It’s greatly appreciated; remember if you would like your raving posted feel free to send us an email at proravings@gmail.com

In Indian religious celebratory ceremonies there is one particular dance type called a “garba”. What this entails is people singing and dancing around in a circle, while they clap in timing with the music. Sometimes to create a more festive atmosphere wooden sticks are hit together in time with the music. The wooden sticks are coloured and decorated.

Our raving starts like this:

There was a young guy (Bingi) in the Indian community who was so excited for the Indian celebration coming up because he decided to volunteer to be a part of the “garba” group. Bingi was 18 yrs old and wanted to show off his skills. He was so nervous about his upcoming performance that we didn’t see him for days.

Finally the big day came, and Bingi was all excited. When it came to the singing and dancing we couldn’t stop laughing because Bingi wasn’t able to keep in sync with everyone else. Afterwards the elders congratulated on his performance, but Bingi wasn’t happy. So we asked why he didn't look pleased about his dancing, he said that they gave him the wrong sticks. Everyone was confused because only the wooden sticks were handed to everyone.

His response was no he was expecting metal sticks and that’s why he had practiced every morning at 6am with screwdrivers! The guys were crashing themselves when he said this. Then he still went on to say it was because he liked that metallic sound when he hit them together !

We as pro-ravers can assure you that the “garba” dance has never been performed with metal rods. And the fact that Bingi got up at 6am to practice his dance with screwdrivers makes you wonder what on earth he was thinking !

-->In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha<--

The idiom idiot

The English language sometimes has a funny way of expressing things. Why the hell do people say things like “Stop beating around the bush” when “Stop f***ing around” is so much easier to say and is more effective? In school we are forced to learn idioms in an attempt to make us more aware of the different aspects of the English language. This in turn helps us not look like idiots when we hear them. Unfortunately there are some people who will try to use these expressions to sound intelligent but I guess it doesn’t always work out …

Our raving begins like this:

My brother and his friend Boobs (aptly named so, due to his feminine shaped chest) had just finished writing their English paper and I thought I’d just skim through it, to see what they are teaching our “bright young leaders of tomorrow”. For most part it was just the usual stuff, until I came across a diagram that looked something like this:

My brother saw me pause at that question and he said “I really didn’t know wtf that was supposed to be”. So I asked him what he wrote, and he said he left it blank.

It was at that point when Boobs killed himself laughing and said “HAHAHAHA your brother is so stupid, he left it blank!!!! It’s SOOO easy!!!!” It was at this point, when I felt like … dammit hell … he says it’s so easy and I’m not sure what the answer is!!

So I started thinking and after a few moments I said, “Is it talking over someone’s head? As if you don’t understand what they’re saying?”

Boobs burst out laughing again and he says “Nah Todd you and your brother are both dumbasses.”

So I ask him wtf is it then?? I didn’t expect Boobs’ superb answer of: “Talk to the hand, cos the face aint listening!!!”

Really now, how did he figure that was the answer based on the figure above. I assure you that the figure is exactly as it was in the exam paper and I don’t see a hand! Do you? If you have any idea as to how he came to that conclusion, please comment on this raving. We would love to get your thoughts and interpretations on this picture and how Boobs came to his answer.

Anyway my brother and I were in tears!!! I found out that I did have the right answer … and Boobs was the idiom idiot!!

-->In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha<--

Don't get your nuts in a twist ...

At my high school we had a number of guys who would always pretend that they were something they were not. I had this one friend called Moose, who had an event happen to him that defies belief, but it is true.

Our raving begins like this:

The one day Moose did not come to class and being a concerned friend I wanted to know if everything was alright. The school principal, knowing that we are all friends, came to inform us that he was “sick”. We asked what was wrong and he hesitantly replied that Moose had gotten his genitals twisted. So we all laughed thinking that it was just an expression and thought nothing of it.

I phoned Moose on his cell phone; however, he did not answer. I then tried his father’s phone and managed to get through. When I asked him is Moose was alright, he indicated that everything was fine, but he again was hesitant to give a reason as to what was wrong. After some pestering, he finally admitted that his son had gotten his ballas in a twist and had to go to hospital.

It was evident now that the story was true, as two independent sources had provided us with the same reason. Apparently Moose had some how managed to get his genitals twisted in his scrotum. As a result he was in tremendous pain, and missed classes for the next few weeks.

When he finally came back to classes we were all naturally curious, as to how the hell did he manage this? His response – He was sitting at his desk studying and ALL OF A SUDDEN, he felt a sharp pain. Now being a guy I know that this could not be further from the truth. In order to get your nuts in a twist it would require at least some form of violent shaking. It would surely require more force, than you normally exert when you running or exercising.

Here are the facts:

1) Balls in a twist

2) Requires tremendous force

3) He was home alone

4) He claimed – he was sitting at his desk studying

5) He was by NO means a ladies man

Now you tell me, as readers of this blog, what DO YOU THINK he was doing??? I am not going to say what I think, but just imagine how hard he was doing it, for his genitals to actually twist in his scrotum.

--> In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha <--

Canadian Imbecile

What to google it as?

If any of you watches ‘The Office’ you will know exactly who Creed is. Always making random comments and jokes, that perhaps should have been left unsaid. We know a real life Creed; a septuagenarian with a sense of humour.

There’s gotta be sometime in your life when you have heard an old wives tale. Crack your knuckles too much and you'll arthritis, eating carrots improves eyesight, masturbation causes blindness / hairy hands, and looking at porn turns your wiener into stone. The list goes on. It’s not unconventional that newer versions of these tales pop up... and we feel it’s our right to laugh when people who make preposterous statements.

Air conditioning can be a real pain or blessing depending if you a fan (excuse the pun) or a hater of it.

Our raving begins like this:

It was a normal day, people were wasting their lives away in front of their desks. The aircon was on full blast. Some of us like it that way. Well this time BananaNippleLover wanted it off.

So she says to Gesh - “Put it off”.

His response “Why ?”

BananaNippleLover replies “Um, I’m getting cold???” She then goes on to state: “Too much air conditioning isn’t good for you!!” With a puzzled expression, Gesh asks her to expand. She sternly replies “Studies show that air conditioning penetrates through your bones causing them to become brittle overtime. This happens through an osmosis process!”

I mean have you ever heard of these studies before??? We sure haven’t!

Gesh challenged her by saying he was gonna ‘Google’ her claim. Now Creed who had been listening to this conversation the entire time, calmly says “So Gesh, ... what you going to google it under...? ....... Bullshit???!!!” Lol lol lol. Everyone was in tears of laughter. Dont mess with Creed - silent but deadly !!

Turns out the worst thing we found was something related to the effects of air conditioning on pug dogs!

--> In the words of Nelson from the Simpsons – Ha Ha <--

We invite your participation

Hey everyone,

Please feel free to submit your ravings to us at proravings@gmail.com. If you know any of our administrators personally this would greatly aid in getting your post onto the blog. We should point out that all ravings will need to be verified before posting. If you have any proof (ie. Pictures, video, sound clip or written), we encourage you to submit this with your email. This would increase your chances of a posting on this blog. REMEMBER: everything stated here is true and did occur. Only the names have been changed for the benefit of the imbecile.

Comments are always welcome on any post!!! Please could we ask you not to use profanity when commenting. We do understand that there are sometimes words in the English language which make the raving better and no other word would suffice. In these instances it may be used; however we do ask for you to refrain from it. Again, no real names should be used when you try to rave in a comment.

Get ready everyone, the ravings will start very soon!

The rules of raving

We apply all of these rules to our ravings, with no exceptions. We encourage you to do the same during your daily lives. The rules which apply to a raving are:

1. Go big, or go home - You must either go overboard and carry on with the raving, or you dont rave at all. You must either rave as much as you can, as hard as you can or you shut up.
2. No ravings on NBR's - You are not entitled to rave on Natural Born Retards (NBR's). If they were born like that, we do not rave. We are professionals and are better than that. If they were not born like that and due to some incident became a NBR, then they are not immune to ravings.

Welcome !

This blog was created to make fun of fat and ugly people ... cos what else are they good for ? With all the technological inventions we have today, natural selection within the human population seems to be a thing of the past. As a result, we intend on making fun of all those imbeciles (imbecile n. A stupid or silly person; a dolt. A person whose mental acumen is well below par. A person of moderate to severe mental retardation), who we believe are the weeds of society. These people make an effort to prove how dumb they are by trying show their intelligence.

Please remember the events depicted in this blog are based on true stories and real life imbeciles. Nothing has been manufactured. Due to the public nature of this blog, only the person's name will be changed. The rest stays exactly how it happened for your enjoyment purposes!