CHOOSING THE RIGHT AMOUNT...
In my opinion there two main ingredients that go into a really good raving – timing and detail. That is, a raving executed at the wrong time will just fall flat and not be funny, likely setting you up to be raved upon. Similarly, choosing the right amount of detail in your wording is equally important.
Some people choose to always go the whole nine yards, spill all the beans and leave the victim completely exposed and wrecked. While this is the goal of some, I prefer to go a different route. I always try to rave in such a way that the person can redeem themselves at that time or another in the future. The person should be able to learn from what they have done that was so stupid. This could be done by telling them gently in private (which may have its place) or by making them feel the idiocy of their actions semi-publicly. Either way, they should get the message that what was done/said is not and should not be done by intelligent people. Indiscriminately ripping into individuals who simply can not help their capacity is border line cruelty and should only be allowed under very special circumstances (if at all).
Despite having said this, it is not uncommon for such individuals to not quite grasp the implications of a softer raving, requiring the raver to turn up the heat a bit. If you find yourself in such a position, turn up the heat gradually until they get the point. A case in point was a certain individual in our office who made the same type of jokes every day. For anonymity’s sake, I won’t mention what the jokes were. This particular guy, let’s call him Jason, was consistently tacitly raved upon, yet he took it as encouragement to continue. It took a very tactful raving by a resident professional (not myself), letting him have it in front of the entire office at a luncheon to shut him up. He has not given those daily jokes since.
So, next time you are going to give a good raving, analyse each case carefully and see if you can’t nip it in the bud for the person with a gentle, yet stern, raving first. If their cerebral cortex resists such gentle nudges to change their behaviour, then begin increasing the dosage.
Regards - David Ambler
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